Don't know what to write...

I typed and deleted and typed and deleted. I tried and tried to write a new entry but nothing come up. I used to write a lot. I had no problem writing anything. But now I have problem writing the thing I want to express and that really sucks! Being able to see and feel a lot of thing are good. But it is lonely. Being able to share whatever you see and feel, that's rich!

These days I tried to write something for this blog. I thought about many things that I want to write. But after typing a few sentences. I found it crappy and I delete everything. Not only did I tried to write at night before I sleep, I have also tried to type during my working hours as I thought I might be too tired at night to think or type anything. But it turns out that even during my working hours, I can't write a proper article.

So what happened actually? There are a few causes that I can think of :
1) I haven't been reading lately.
2) I seldom write anything after graduating from university.
3) I hardly talk or chit chat with anyone longer than an hour.

Yes the read, write and speak. Those three things should be exercised and practiced everyday to improve your language. And yet, I totally ignored them. Is it because I am too busy working lately? I think it has become my excuses for many things! Urgh! I hate myself when I do that!

A Sense of Victory

My sister has not been able to access to the internet for a few days. Something wrong with her network configuration and setting. I've also tried my best to help investigate the cause of the problem and have been checking the connection for a few days. And today, I finally solve the problem and sister can now access to the internet. It was the DNS Server configuration. The DNS Server address were not defined. That's why she couldn't connect to the internet.

I totally understand the feeling of not being able to access to the internet. So manything were done through internet nowadays. I wonder how my life would be without internet. I suddenly realised how much my life has got to do with internet. Download movies, songs, chatting with friend, writing blog entries, surfing internet bla bla bla. Gosh, that's what I do daily! What am I to do without internet. Life would be very boring!

Hmm... I wonder if this is a good sign. Am I depending too much on the internet?! Is it good to be attached to, or depending on the internet so much? How should I spice up my life without internet?

Spending my pastime watching movies downloaded from the internet are great. I enjoy my personal space there and of course I also enjoyed the movies/drama series. I have also downloaded lotsa mp3s. I can listen to variety of songs from classical to funky pop and sometimes I don't know what kinda of songs I really love and want to listen to. Writing blog is something interesting for me too. Even though most of the time I am lazy to write (type), but I enjoy reading my own "works". I also enjoy reading other's blog and it's interesting to see how people write about their life or their thoughts.

Many more things can be done with the internet facility. But surely there are some disadvantages if we're too hookep up with internet. A person would be more dull. Our people skill will be going down the hill. Health would be deterioting as well if spend too much time in front of the pc. And the list never end here. Internet may spice up our life, but let's not let it be our whole life!

Anyway, I am glad I managed to help my sister to get access to the internet. I felt great. I contributed. I manage to help. I am not the dumb and stupid person. It boost up my confident. I feel a sense of victory. And I am feeling good!

Ryan's Celebrity Look-A-Like

Look how funny (and stupid) it can be?!

How are you?

"How are you?"

How simple and plain it is. I could not remember I was properly taught about the phrase. What's the meaning? Why we need to ask that when we meet someone? We know how to use it, but the question is, do we mean it?

There're so many time I receive email or when I chat online, and I have to answer the question "How are you?". Normally I would just response with a "I am fine.", or to be a little more polite, I would add "Thank you! How about you?". I sometime find it awkward to be asked that question, especially by a not so close friend or a total stranger. How would I response? If I am good, well, I would just say :" I am fine." But if I am not so good? I couldn't just say I am not good, could I? I wouldn't want to share my sorrows or troubles, or problems with a stranger.

However, that simple and plain little phrase can mean so much when asked correctly and sincerely. It is a way for you to show your love and care to your friend or the one you're close to. I remember being asked that question when I was down and low by a friend. I didn't know how to response, but I felt warm. At least, I would smile to response to the sincerity and kindness.

It's Friday...

Checked my mail this morning and got the following Sensei's Guidance. It's such a good guidance to start the day...

"Living as we do in an age of intensifying turmoil and complexity, it is all the more essential that we launch—with a powerful rhythm of hope and a stirring song of courage—a fresh, vibrant, new momentum pervaded by the noble qualities of eternity, happiness, true self, and purity." ~ Daisaku Ikeda

My Vacation In Thailand

I am just so lazy to talk about my Thailand Trip. I tried very hard to write (type) but I just couldn't continue. Nothing much to talk about seriously. The only thing I enjoyed doing was taking photos and have my vacation there.

If you wanna know about what kinda show I went, alright I went to see Aqua Show and also some 3 in 1 18SX adult show. Enjoyed the first show. The Aqua are beautiful as expected and the performance was grand and happening! I am not sure if they're really talented. Most of the song performed were lip-sync. So, not their true voice. However, the show was OK.

The second show (3 in 1 thing) were yucks! Not that I don't enjoy porn or what. But some of the item in the show were just too rediculous and pointless! Besides, I felt very uncomfortable watching them doing stuff with all the crowds there!! What make it worse was that, some of the audience were "invited" to perform with them on stage! Urghh!! Not my type! Anyway, it's truly an eye-opening session! Luckily I never go to watch Tiger-show. I heard it's more extreme!

Hmm... anything else? OK, I went for the para-shoot (what's the correct spelling anyway?) Yeah, that was FUN! I was nervous at first. But when I was up there in the sky, I spread my hands and fly as if I have wings! It was an amazing experience. Only RM 35 for one round! I guess it worth the price as I felt good flying in the wide blue sky!

Bangkok was just a normal city to me. In fact I feel KL is more developed than Bangkok. Perhaps the places I visited was not that developed yet. :p The tour guide was right : There are only one time that Bangkok will have traffic jammed. That's from morning till night! Anyway, the city was OK for me.

Pattaya. Hmm... I thought Pattaya has a nice beach. But the beach I went was so crowded. Not actually crowded by people but the chair and the shade for the tourist to rest. However, I had a great time playing ball in the water with my colleagues. We were playing the "Monkey" game where one of us will be a monkey to catch the ball from others. We had fun! Yeah there're a lot of pubs and bar. But they're just not my type. And girls standing beside the road trying to "gain some money". Very "yucky" for me! Don't like that! Too unclean! I noticed some pubs playing good music (those sentimental music), but it's just too late and I doubt anyone were interested to join me to go there. Besides, we were so broken. Lack of Vitmain M!

Alright, can't write too much. It's getting late. 12:32am already! I'll include some photos with caption. This will briefy explain my vacation in Thailand.

We catch an early bus at KL Sentral to LCC Terminal.

That's the flight we took when we left for Thailand.

Before we enter the immigration.

Have dinner on a boat. Felt like cruising. It was great!
The guy with red Box shirt was our tour guide.

The 5 photos below were taken in Grand Palace

Angkor Wat model in Grand Palace

Nice flowers.

Clockwise : Pei Nee, Siew Chyn, Pui Chen,
Ji Qian, Jian Ping, Brad, Chia Ming & me.

At the beach in Pattaya

Bangkok City

MRT in Bangkok City

The only white in the black crowds.

In Safari World

The night before I left for vacation...

I will be going to Thailand tomorrow early morning. It's already 1:34am. Oh I will be actually going to Thailand today. I have to wake up 6am in the morning. Guess I'll have less than 5 hours sleep this time. I don't feel sleepy at all now. Perhaps because it's passed my "sleeping time". Or maybe because I'm just too excited as I'll be off for vacation tomorrow.

Packed my stuff and I really hope I won't miss anything. As usual, I normally take more than enough clothes when I go "out station". It's just a sense of security. Just in case I need more clothes. Who knows? Weather may be too hot and I could sweat easily. Or I fell into a mud and bla bla bla...

What I am looking for in this trip to Thailand is to really enjoy life. I hope I get sufficient time to enjoy my space and time. I was told that this 5 days 4 nights trip is fulle scheduled where we will be going to visit here and there. Hmm... I will need to make full use of my digital camera! I have bought a 1GB mini SD Card so I can take as many photos as I wish to. Moreover, I have also bought an MP3 player (with 512MB memory space) loaded with all my favourite songs. This will ensure I won't be bored! Hahahaha... Hmm... I have also bought a necklace and two bracelet. What for? I am not really sure. Perhaps wear them in Pattaya.

Anyway, now I can't save this entry because there're some internet connection problem. Perhaps the Streamyx server is down again. I can't wait any longer. I really need to sleep. Tomorrow have to wake up very early.

Been touched by the spirit of Mentor and Disciple

Last Sunday, Mom had asked us (my sister and I) to attend the SGM All leaders Meet which was held yesterday. Yes, I have to admit I had been absent for the leader meet these days due to my busy schedule and workloads. Anyway, mom was telling us that we must not miss the meet this time and insisted that we have to arrange our busy schedules and bring ourselves there no matter what! OK, so I prayed and tried to arrange my time.

So, yesterday I tried to finish all my works before 6pm. Dad called me before 6pm to confirm my attendance as he needs to pick me up later at around 6:30pm. I confirmed that I will be going. It was raining pretty heavily. Since I have promised mom to be there, I have to go no matter what. So I left my office around 6:15pm. By then I realised it was raining so heavily that everybody was waiting at the entrance as they can't walk under the rain even with umbrella.

"Great!" I said to myself. Actually, the Monorail station is just a few steps away (I mean like 10-20 steps) from the entrance. But I hate to get wet! Time won't wait. It was getting late and I have to keep my promise. I could imagine how mad mom would be if I didn't go to the meet. So without much hesitation, I ran under the rain to reach the station. Gosh! The rain was cruel and merciless. It was like thousand of bullets hitting on you (just that not strong enough to go through your body). Of course, by the time I reached the station, I was totally wet! As if I fell into a pool and just got out of it. Yucks! I waited for the train for a few minutes feeling cold and nothing much could be done. When the train arrived, I got into it. To make thing worse, the train is air conditioned and I was totally wet! Great! I reached the Imbi Station and my dad was there waiting for me. I got into the car and headed to the destination.

So I finally got there. As usual the meeting start with Evening Gongyo followed by announcement. Then there was sharing session from those who attended the seminar in Japan. Then encouragement from the General Director and watching videos. Of course the highlight of the meeting (for me) is about the video. Mom wanted us to be there to watch the video. There was a performance by SGI America members.

Frankly it was not an extra-ordinary performance. Just some well-known musician and artist playing instrument and singing. What make it so special is because of the spirit the performers displayed that touched my heart. Like my mom said :"They performed whole-heartedly!" Yes, WHOLE-HEARTEDLY! The sincerity, the eagerness to perform for the mentor, the message they wanted to convey, the gratitude they wanted to show, the appreciation and the tribute of life that make such simple performance an extra-ordinary piece of works.

I still could remember how the performers sang. Every word speaks! Every sound rings!That's how they sang. Yes, the message of joy, peace and hope were well-delivered. They wanted to let their mentor to know that, no matter what, as a disciples, they will be by their mentor's side. They vow to continue their mentor's works, and work ever so close together with their mentor. Obviously, our mentor, Dr. Daisaku Ikeda was also deeply touched by their wonderful and splendid performance. Besides praising how amazing the performance was, he also return their sincerity by playing on the piano. Again, even though the piano performance by our mentor was not outstanding, the sincerity and the gratitude shines ever so brightly. And that's very touching!

Tears running down my cheeks again last night. And this time not because of sadness, depression or hopelessness. Once again, I found life, happiness, peace and feel the connection between mentor and disciples. I was once again being touched by the spirit of Soka Gakkai and the spirit of mentor and disciple! I am so blessed!

Thinking back of the pouring rain earlier, I found the rainbow appears deep in my heart that will never fade away...

Sleeping Disorder / Insomnia?!

I have been having problem sleeping. Insomnia? I doubt so. It's not that I cannot sleep but I just couldn't sleep soundly. In another words, I am just half asleep. I pretty well aware what is happening around me when I lying on my bed "sleeping" in the night. And then I would have weird dreams that keep me frowning all night long. It was not nightmares that wake you up finding yourself horrified and sweating. It was some dreams that keep your brain busy. Like solving a complex mathematics questions!

My sister said it's because I watch drama series before I sleep. It will keep my mind busy and will bring such busy-ness into my dream. It does make sense in a way. However, I still want to watch. That's the only leisure I have after my long stupid working hour in the office!

Not having a quality sleep is a disaster for me! I would be unenergetic and unmotivated the whole day. I am a physically weak person : Easy to get sick! I am not a mentally strong person neither : Easy to be depressed. As a depression recovering patient, I should not think too much (especially about the negativities...). So screw it! Come what may... Sometimes courage arise when you have no other

I hope my working life keep me busy because being busy will not make me sleep in the office! Besides, I won't think too much when I am busy with work. I think I will be more healthy being busy. Crazy but it's true, somehow... :p